woweee... such contrast from my last entry.  i read that and relived that moment in time, with all those amazing experiences and more to come... ah, the power of journals.  with all that said, im stuck now in this rut i've wedged myself into.  I can predict a battle of primal instinct and emotions.  The problem is that experiencing a lot of one causes the other one to feel numb, but only temporarily.  when that numbness wears off, this "battle" seems to come back with even more vigor.  I am nonetheless enjoying myself every single day.  It has been an amazing fucking summer, UNDOUBTEDLY the best i've ever had.  This one has made the greatest impact, it has given me the greatest joy, and unfortunately the greatest despair.  In the book of my life, this summer deserves its own chapter.  Growing up isn't easy man.  heres suttin thats a work in progress:

the verses first engtangle
next align into prism
until belittled, mangled,
by critic mechanism.

EVERYONE: ROCK OUT WITH YOUR COCK OUT! WROOF!

EDIT:

holy crap its been like two months since i made a fricken entry!!!  well i love xanga and life and heres why:

well i looked through all my old xanga entries, i believe since fricken sophmore year... i realized that this seriously is my journal of how i felt throughout the year... granted it highlights the emo side of me and all haha... but nonetheless I love how I was so girl crazy in a loving way back then.  Before the slightest hint of success with a girl, I would flash forward weeks, months, even years into our "relationship"... I was such a silly, silly boy.  My naivete and hopeless romantic antics for people that I would now currently never consider serve as proof of my maturity since then.  I look back now at four years, undoubtedly some of the most important years of my life, and am sad to see them behind me.  What if's always pop into my head, (LIKE WHAT IF I MET STEPH EARLIER?!)  but I shoo them aside because I am so lucky for what I have in my life right now.  It would be greedy to ask for better friends or a better life... but at the same time I feel that I'm at the peak, so that things can only go downhill from here.  Its funny how your mind can do that to you; regardless of your current state, the euphoria is often deconstructed... the easiest way I can explain that is how you feel while you're on an amazing vacation... even if its your first day, that first day is quickly leaving you and you know you're going to miss it as soon as you get back home, so you almost miss it as its happening.  That basically sums up how I feel right now... sure I may be excited for what awaits, but then again I'd rather keep it ahead of me than letting it slowly get behind me... but I can't change time or fate so I guess I just need to chill and learn to truly enjoy the euphoria experienced.

spring break is upon us!!! so far its just been a whole lot of... well, as the pic shows.... CHILLIN!        

yeah, thats my pimped out cousin Ajay, the cutest kid EVER.

Anyways, although I have managed to not study for the ap exams AT ALL, I did manage to clean up the house a bit and chill with my mom more, which school/vball/work prevented before.  I think that I ate enough this week to last an average man a few months, but its ok cuz I can hit the gym more with all my free time.... I really can't wait for friday, huge house party!  Its bound to be a grand ole time, chillin with my homedoggs and my stephanie, while getting FAIRLY TRASHED in the process haha.  And tho i'm not looking forward to the ap exams, and DEFINITELY not lookin forward to the summer , I'm lookin forward to prom and proj graduation and 6 flags and possibly the beach a few days before prom? who knows... all I know is that its gonna be a hell of a ride.

oh boy its been a WHILE since i updated. so lets hit it (figuratively):

i'm reaching the high point of the senior year of my high school career.  although its only mid-april, prom seems to be but an instant away.  yes, prom... THE prom.  Limo, tux, and afterprom are taken care of, beautiful date is as well.  I've been spending almost every passing day chilling with my homies, trying to eliminate boring home-time, which is something i regret not doing during my earlier high school years.  I've realized that as I walk through our halls, I seem to subconsciously filter out the friends/aquaintances that don't really matter in the grand scheme of things.  I appreciate school so much now.(yes, really.)  Besides giving me the opportunity to spend time with a certain someone that I fortunately almost always have free time with, school is a great central point to plan stuff, whether it be the lunch break or the upcoming weekend. 

ANYWAYS, I'm really going to miss my house.  My mom and I went over some old stuff, and I spent a few hours looking at old photo albums...an old pic of me back in the day (soph year i think?) is posted for good measure, compliments of shoji samson. BOY WAS I PUNY. good times.  this spring break better be good times too! good partying thurs fri sat, and some definite hangin out with the homies before that.           

STOLEN SURVERY

Appearance

[ ] I am shorter than 5'4.
[ ] I have many scars (one burn scar, from frozen pizza :( )
[x] I tan easily.
[ ] I wish my hair was a different color.
[ ] I have a tattoo.
[x] I am self-conscious about my appearance (more hair/clotheswise)
[ ] I dont like the way i look. (well maybe not when I look like a crackhead 11 o clock at night)
[x] I have/I've had braces.
[ ] I've worn glasses (too legendary)
[ ] I would get plastic surgery if it were 100 safe, free of
cost, hurt free, and scar-free.
[x] I've been told I'm attractive by a complete stranger. (mostly men at express)
[ ] I have more than 2 piercings.
[ ] I have piercings in places besides my ears.
[ ] I have freckles.

Family/Home Life

[x] I've sworn at my parents. (many a time in frustration)
[ ] I've run away from home.
[ ] I've been kicked out of the house.
[x] My biological parents are together.
[x] I want to have kids someday. (2... replacements)
[ ] I've had children. (i'll have angelina jolie's)
[ ] I've lost a child.

School/Work

[ ] I'm in school.
[x] I've fallen asleep at work/school. (OFTEN)
[ ] I almost always do my homework. (PLEASE!)
[x] I've missed a week or more of school.
[x] I've been on the Honor Roll within the last 2 years.
[ ] I failed more than 1 class last year.
[x] I've skipped school. (CHINATOWN!!)

Embarrassment

[x] I've slipped out a "lol" in a spoken conversation. ("JK LOLZ!" on purpose)
[ ] Disney movies still make me cry.
[ ] I've peed from laughing.
[x] I've snorted while laughing.
[x] I've laughed so hard I've cried. (TODAY! haha)
[ ] I've glued my hand to something
[x] I've laughed till some kind of beverage came out of
my nose.
[x] I've had my pants rip in public. (SUPERSQUATS! lol)

Health

[ ] I've gotten stitches.
[x] I've had surgery.
[x] I've broken a bone. (ankle fracture)
[ ] I've had my tonsils removed.
[ ] I've had my wisdom teeth removed.
[x] I've had chicken pox.

Experiences

[ ] I've gotten lost in my city.
[ ] I've wished on a shooting star. (ew)
[x] I've seen a meteor shower.
[x] I've gone out in public in my pajamas. (weekly)
[x] I've pushed all the buttons on an elevator. (asshole since age 7)
[ ] I've kicked a guy where it hurts. (thats just wrong)
[ ] I've been skydiving.
[x] I've stayed up all night on the phone with someone.
[ ] I've gone skinny dipping.
[x] I've played spin the bottle.
[ ] I've drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour.
[ ] I've crashed a car.
[x] I've been skiing
[x] I've been in a play.
[x] I've met someone in person from the internet. (kinda, but we had other connections)
[x] I've caught a snowflake on my tongue.
[ ] I've seen the Northern Lights.
[x] I've sat on a roof top at night. (in India at age 4)
[x] I've farted in public and pretended it wasnt me.
[x] I've played a prank on someone. (some REALLY mean ones)
[x] I've ridden in a taxi.
[ ] I've recieved roses. (i've given tho)

Relationships

[x] I'm single
[ ] I'm in a relationship.
[ ] I've had someone cheat on me.
[ ] I've gone on a blind date.
[ ] I'm not over a past relationship.
[x] I miss someone right now.
[x] I have a fear of commitment. (only cuz i'm moving soon)
[ ] I have a fear of abandonment.
[ ] I've cheated in a relationship.
[x] I've had feelings for someone who didn't have
them back. (wow this is everyone)
[x] I've told someone I loved them when I didn't. (REGRET)
[ ] I've told someone I didn't love them when I did.                                                        [ ] I've had a crush on a teacher. (MR GUPTA BABY)
[x] I like to cuddle. (Yeah i'm that type of dude)
[x] I like to flirt. (i've been accused)
[ ] I've been kissed in the rain.
[ ] I have kissed a stranger.

Honesty/Crime

[x] I am a terrible liar.
[x] I've done something I promised someone else I
wouldn't. (well parents FOR SURE)
[ ] I've done something I promised myself I wouldn't.
[x] I've snuck out of my house.
[x] I have lied to my parents about where I am.
[ ] I am keeping a secret from the world. (I am...BATMAN!)
[x] I've cheated while playing a game.
[x] I've cheated on a test.
[ ] I've been suspended from school.
[x] I've been in a fist fight. (middle school)
[ ] I've been arrested.
[x] I've shoplifted. (BUTTERFINGERS, CAFETERIA FOOD! etc)

Drugs/Alcohol

[x] I've consumed alcohol.
[x] I've smoked weed.
[ ] I've taken pain killers when I don't need them
[ ] I'm a stoner. (hell no, strict policy)
[ ] I have cough drops when I'm not sick.
[ ] I can't swallow pills.
[ ] I can swallow about 5 pills at a time no problem.
[x] I've slept an entire day when I didn't need it.
[ ] I'm addicted to self harm. (I hate ppl that are)
[ ] I've woken up crying.
[ ] I've cried myself to sleep.

Materialism

[ ] I own over 5 rap CDs.
[ ] I own an iPod or MP3 player.
[ ] I have an obsession with anime/manga.
[ ] I own multiple designer purses, costing over
$100 a piece.
[x] I own something from American Eagle. (one clearance t-shirt!) haha
[ ] I own something from Abercrombie & Fitch.
[ ] I own something from Hollister.
[ ] I own something I got on eBay. (wow i'm proud i'm not too into clothes!)

Random

[x] I can sing well. (i'm told)
[ ] I've stolen a tray from a fast food restaurant.
[x] I open up to others easily. (WAY TOO EASILY!)
[ ] I watch the news.
[ ] I don't kill bugs.
[x] I curse regularly.
[x] I sing in the shower. (every morning)
[ ] I am a morning person.
[ ] I paid for my cell phone ring tone. (i have a regular beep!)
[ ] I am a sports fanatic.
[ ] I twirl my hair. (I used to in the afro days)
[ ] I have "x"s in my screen name.
[ ] I love being neat.
[ ] I've had Spam.
[x] I like Spam. (hell yeah! try everything once)
[ ] I've copied more than 30 CD's in a day.
[ ] I bake well. (haha well I really did today >.< )
[x] I would wear pajamas to school.
[ ] I like Martha Stewart.
[ ] I am guilty of tYpInG lIkE tHiS. (I HATE THOSE PPL)
[x] I laugh at my own jokes. (I rarely don't... thats a problem)
[ ] I eat fast food weekly. (much more than weekly, I eat TAco BELL more than once a week)
[ ] I believe in ghosts.
[ ] I am online 24/7, even as an away message.
[x] I've not turned anything in and still got an A in a certain
class. (SENIOR)
[x] I am really ticklish. (my only weakness)
[x] I love white chocolate. (HERSHEYS COOKIES N CREAM!)
[ ] I bite my nails.
[x] I play video games. (halo 2 monster)
[x] I'm good at remembering faces.
[ ] I'm good at remembering names.
[ ] I'm good at remembering dates.
[ ] I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.
[x] My answers for this survey are totally honest. (You better believe it)

BTW I think this pic is really funny and you can see a vein in my forehead from how hard I was laughing.  This is for ppl that don't beleive I cry from laughter!

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